Coping with Grief

Parents often ask three questions when going through grief:

1. Am I normal?

2. Am I going crazy?

3. Will I ever get over this?

A better question is whether the mourning is healthy. There is, of course, no one right way to mourn. Many of the strangest emotions and thoughts actually are quite normal. But even parents who mourn in a healthy manner have times when they are overwhelmed by their grief.

The following checklist may help you figure out how you are doing. As time goes on, parents will find they are answering yes to more and more questions. But if you are not satisfied with how you are doing, you should seek help.

• Am I able to laugh without feeling guilty?
• Do I pay attention to my personal appearance? (hair, clothes, make-up)
• Do I enjoy being out with friends for an evening?
• Am I feeling pleasure in being intimate with my spouse?
• Am I able to sit quietly by myself and think of things other than the loss?
• Do I take an interest in current events and the news?
• Do I feel I can effectively parent my surviving children?
• Am I able to do the daily tasks I'm used to performing? (yard, housework, etc)
• Do I look forward to outings, trips or special events?
• Am I involved in activities that I participated in before the loss? (church work, volunteer work, clubs, sports teams, a job)
• Can I talk about the loss without showing strong emotion?
• Do I feel like the fog has lifted?
• Do I pay attention to my surroundings? (beautiful scenery, the taste of food, the smell of perfume)
• Am I able to get a good night's sleep and awake feeling rested?
• Am I able to concentrate on work and conversation?
• Can I recall past events?
• Do I feel stronger and more in control? (less like an open wound, better able to cope with others comments, better able to cope with everyday crises)
• Do I feel like there is meaning to my life?
• Can I look back at what happened and feel that something good came out of the tragedy?