Coping with Grief

Grief Rituals

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for friends and family of the bereaved

One of the fears that parents who have lost a child often have is that they will forget their little one. This happens as the immediate, acute pain begins to subside and they fear that when the pain is gone, the memory will be gone, too. By creating a type of "grief ritual", parents often find that they don't have to hold onto the pain to remember thier little one. They find that they can create a meaningful and healing experience or tangible item that can help them to remember in a more positive way.

Buy a special candle and light it at times that are special to your family -- due date, birthday, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, etc.
Write special notes and put them into helium balloons and then let them fly.
Help feel the homeless/hungry at Thanksgiving and other holidays or buy baby clothes and donate them to the homeless shelter for Christmas
Create a scrapbook of memories and photos.
Donate a quilt in your child's name.
Plant a strong, healthy tree in your child's name.
Create a "Butterfly Garden" - one with all types of bushes, and plantings that attract butterflies.
Find a tree in the canyons and tie a yellow ribbon around it. Go frequently to this place.(This is particularly helpful when ashes have been scattered and there is no gravesite.)
If the hospital gave you a baby ring, place it on a chain and wear it around your neck
Have a birthday party for your little one on his/her birthday.
Create a "Family Memory Evening" where everyone shares their favorite memory, story or picture of their little brother or sister.
At Christmastime, hand a stocking or ornament for your child.
Make a "Memory Box" and fill it with photos, name bands, handprints, blankets, stuffed animals, items of clothing, etc. that belonged to your baby.
Decide to attend community memorials in your area for parents who have lost children.