strugling

well I got through Thanksgiving, and did ok, but with Christmas coming I'm not doing so well all of the sudden. I have no motovation to decorate or do anything, and have been crying all the time, I miss my babies so much, and knowing I can't have more is very overwhelming......DH is not getting it at all and he's tired of my crying. Sometime's I don't like men very much! it seems so much easier for them.

Mina's 2 birthday is coming up next month and I'm already dreading it, I hate how I feel right now and how things are going, my grief is back like it just happened........

can't believe it

we are having another miscaraige, we were'nt trying to get pg( my birth control failed) but it still is a shock and very sad, I realy don't want to be in this moment right now......

Lucien update

My Little "snoochie" is doing better, he's not ready to come home yet.....but he is now pink and not orange. His breathing is getting better, he's down on his oxygen to 28% he was at 80% so that's good and he has a feeding tube now and is getting 12 cc of formula an hour, we might be able to put him to my Brest today if he's feeling better.

We haven't been able to hold him, but we do get to touch him and change him and other stuff, I put him to sleep last night with his paci and patting his bum, it felt so good to be his mommy for a little while. The Dr. thinks he wont be in there too much longer, I hope so!!! I'll update as things change.



and I'm ok c-sections suck!!! what else is there to say, it hurts, but whatever!

Lucien Ephraim is here

He arrived Thursday Night,7 lbs 5.8 oz 17 inches, he did ok for about a hour and then he started to have breathing problems. He is in the NICU, doing about the same no change except he is now jaundice, and will be staying for awhile.

Apparently he got a bit stuck coming out and didn't get all the fluid out of his lungs so he's in distress, and will nedd a few day's or more to get better, I've got to hold him twice now and he is so sweet!!! He does however give the nurses a hard time and keeps pulling out his tubes and wires.

I'll post an update as soon as I get one. I did post pic on my blog, I'll try to put one here too.

Mother's DAy

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile_flowers.gif) Happy Mother's Day to everyone and (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile_hug.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile_hug.gif) Special Hugs to all of us Angel Mommies!

Mendy